I have been in a struggle. I cling to rituals. They are my stability. While my address and employment and facets of my life change and evolve, I cling to my traditions for stability and peace and communion with God.
They are my firm foundation.
But lately, for about a year now, that foundation has been a shifting plate. I have watched my stability fall away as chronic illness revealed itself. What a looking glass! Those elements of my daily life that gave me my grounding also left me when I fell- like a tree with shallow roots that upturns in the wind. I've never been a fan of pines. Oaks speak to me. Wide deep rooted life forces are what I seek. Sinking into that realization and shifting my perspective has dominoed onto every important facet of my life. I was hugging a pine tree forest. I began to systematically question the roots of everything I love. Are any of my friendships real? Is my marriage grounded? Have I shown my children God? Have I even touched the surface? Through this, I've witnessed my growth into deeper wisdom. I've shifted my reactions into responses. I've blossomed my business. I've looked friends in the eye and recognized the deep connections that are worth my hugs. But I have been stuck on my role in my home. A universal female struggle of being mother and wife and teacher balanced against being a business owner, community builder and leader among my peers. And showing my family the depth of God in that mess. How do you teach depth when everywhere you turn you see shallow? Maybe you just keep turning? Experience has shown me that depending on community to show my children the roots of faith is shallow. As a child who was routinely delivered to church but had no grounding at home, I should have known this inherently. It took a few light bulb moments to really sink in. I have shown my family surface faith. Because my foundation was nothing but questions. I didn't have roots to draw on anymore.
They had been eaten away.
They are my firm foundation.
But lately, for about a year now, that foundation has been a shifting plate. I have watched my stability fall away as chronic illness revealed itself. What a looking glass! Those elements of my daily life that gave me my grounding also left me when I fell- like a tree with shallow roots that upturns in the wind. I've never been a fan of pines. Oaks speak to me. Wide deep rooted life forces are what I seek. Sinking into that realization and shifting my perspective has dominoed onto every important facet of my life. I was hugging a pine tree forest. I began to systematically question the roots of everything I love. Are any of my friendships real? Is my marriage grounded? Have I shown my children God? Have I even touched the surface? Through this, I've witnessed my growth into deeper wisdom. I've shifted my reactions into responses. I've blossomed my business. I've looked friends in the eye and recognized the deep connections that are worth my hugs. But I have been stuck on my role in my home. A universal female struggle of being mother and wife and teacher balanced against being a business owner, community builder and leader among my peers. And showing my family the depth of God in that mess. How do you teach depth when everywhere you turn you see shallow? Maybe you just keep turning? Experience has shown me that depending on community to show my children the roots of faith is shallow. As a child who was routinely delivered to church but had no grounding at home, I should have known this inherently. It took a few light bulb moments to really sink in. I have shown my family surface faith. Because my foundation was nothing but questions. I didn't have roots to draw on anymore.
They had been eaten away.
I have been called to deeper spirituality. The doors and windows have opened and I have doubted their intention. Was I being called to God? Or distracted from Him? I've been riddled with guilt as I have moved further away from the institutional religion that was the stability of my faith for 30 years. And here I am opening my life and home up to the public while grazing over the needs of my family. So I sat with my thoughts, a business that demands my attention, a community that depends on me and a family that deserves to be the heart of it all. I took the holidays off. No work. No hosting. Just family. I found quiet. I can feel my ground firming. I like spending time with these people. Focused time. Not rushed minutes between tasks, but making time with them be the task.
They are the task!
I'm not letting this foundation go. The rewards are too vast. And still in this holiday season the issue of spirituality in my family has lingered. My need for personal fuel lead me back to those doors. Early next week, I will receive a reiki attunement. I am hopeful. To prepare, I am tasked with daily meditations. That is uncomfortable, but I'm working my way there. This morning, I needed to read words of inspiration. I searched my 100s of books for something that would speak to me. Shoved in the back of my nightstand drawer, I found a small pamphlet titled "Stability" and in it-
"I, through the abundance of your steadfast love, will enter your house.
Psalm 5:7".
There you have it. All the questions and fears and callings aligned to show me the path to reveal the depth of God to my children~ through me. Through my steadfast love. My time. My attention. My hands. Here is my invitation to be the hands of God to the people I love the most. My steadfast love brings God into my home.
Thank you, universe, for bringing me here.
I'm grateful for the journey.
They are the task!
I'm not letting this foundation go. The rewards are too vast. And still in this holiday season the issue of spirituality in my family has lingered. My need for personal fuel lead me back to those doors. Early next week, I will receive a reiki attunement. I am hopeful. To prepare, I am tasked with daily meditations. That is uncomfortable, but I'm working my way there. This morning, I needed to read words of inspiration. I searched my 100s of books for something that would speak to me. Shoved in the back of my nightstand drawer, I found a small pamphlet titled "Stability" and in it-
"I, through the abundance of your steadfast love, will enter your house.
Psalm 5:7".
There you have it. All the questions and fears and callings aligned to show me the path to reveal the depth of God to my children~ through me. Through my steadfast love. My time. My attention. My hands. Here is my invitation to be the hands of God to the people I love the most. My steadfast love brings God into my home.
Thank you, universe, for bringing me here.
I'm grateful for the journey.















